Every parent hopes and prays for the same thing; a child who's normal, not being left behind by his peers, not so far ahead he feels isolated, but right in between. So it's difficult when your child's doctor says that something may not be 100% normal about your child.
My daughter, L, was born about a month early weighing 5 lbs, considered a late preemie, she spent just enough time in the NI-CU to be assessed, and they sent her back to us, very small but otherwise healthy. However, we have still spent the last year and a half facing the struggles any preemie parent knows all too well: it started in the hospital when they suddenly needed to scan her kidneys for a possible defect, then came the acid re flux, the lack of weight gain, RSV, a trip to children's hospital to rule out Craniosynotosis, 2 surgeries for tubes to prevent ear infections. We are gearing up for her sixth hearing test; each one has come back different, running the gamut from significant hearing loss to slight hearing loss in one or both ears.
Luckily, we had seemed to turn a corner in the past few months. During her 18 month check up, L was given a clean bill of health, but still measuring in the just the 3rd to 5th percentile in height and weight.
Within a few hours I had a phone call from L's pediatrician; I had filled out forms regarding L's developmental milestones, called the M-CHAT evaluation. Basically, it helps measures your child's possibility of having developmental delays, most specifically Autism Spectrum disorder, hearing loss, and any physical delays. If your child's score is low, they send you for further testing at a clinic. L passed in the physical milestone category, but in speech and socialization, she needs further evaluation.
My first thought was to break down, but then realized I wasn't surprised. I've noticed L is behind other kids her age. She's not much of a talker, she shows little interest in toys, and recently started flapping her hands in front of her face. I know she can hear at least to some extent, because she will turn her head towards loud noises, but she has yet to answer to her own name. She has started having night terrors almost every night, and started hitting and biting herself violently when she gets upset or frustrated.
As a parent, you want what's best for your child. Our first instinct was to pray for God to make this "turn" in our favor, but we checked ourselves quickly. God knows L, He made her, and whatever way He made her, we have no right to ask Him to change her. Instead, we prayed for His will, for the strength to help her, to help us be the parents we need to be for her. God never promised we wouldn't have trials, but that through those trials we will be stronger if we put our faith and trust solely in Him. "For we can rejoice too, when we have problems, and trials, for we know that they build endurance!" Romans 5:3
With almost two weeks until her evaluation, we're working with her, but in the long run, it doesn't matter what we do, because she will be who she is regardless. If she has hearing loss, or a developmental delay, or if she was to be on the Autism Spectrum, I will still love her more and more every day. Whatever it is, or isn't, it makes L who she is, and who she is is this funny, amazing, sweet kid. She loves to play in the mirror, and try on hats, loves spending time with her grandparents. She'll eat spaghetti for every meal if we let her. Her favorite place is always outside, getting just as dirty as possible. She's my baby, my miracle and whatever waits for us around the corner, we're going to face it head on. The Lord has this handled, he knows what's in store for us, and we WILL PRAISE HIM, no matter the outcome!!!! " Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus!" 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Monday, July 14, 2014
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Every mother-to-be knows there are certain things their children will never ever be allowed to partake in. This happens in those blissfully ignorant days of pregnancy; you drop in on a friend with kids, her preschooler is glued to the television, the tween to her i-pad, and the toddler is scarfing down those radioactive-looking orange cheese doodles. And you tell yourself it won't happen to you. Maybe you even said it out loud. And your friend gives you "the look" that says, "Just you wait."
Popular items on the parenting chopping block include sugar, television, noneducational toys, fast food, co-sleeping, and bungee jumping. And anyone who has been a parent for 5 minutes knows just as well those rules go out the window pretty quickly.
Popular items on the parenting chopping block include sugar, television, noneducational toys, fast food, co-sleeping, and bungee jumping. And anyone who has been a parent for 5 minutes knows just as well those rules go out the window pretty quickly.
I'm proud to say we've stuck to our guns with most things. We never co-slept, because my husband was paranoid about rolling over her in his sleep. (a completely legitimate concern, she could curl up to the size of a softball, not exaggerating.) She has enough educational toys and books that they have completely taken over our house. I've never seen her bungee jump but she does a pretty impressive swan dive off the sofa.
That being said, I was adamant about two things; no fast food, and no television before age two. And like every other well meaning new parent, I was in for a surprise.
The no fast food rule held up until her first birthday, when my daughter discovered the joy of a certain restaurant with golden arches on a road trip from Louisiana back home to North Carolina. The first night we let her try french fries along side her organic baby food. The next morning we stopped for coffee and biscuits, and her baby food simmered on the dashboard while she happily wolfed down a pancake. Fortunately, her love of fast food was very short lived, and she's a surprisingly healthy eater, so I call that a win..
No TV lasted less time than the no fast food, by roughly 10 months. That's right, my daughter was fascinated by TV by the time she was 2 months old. I should have known better, my mother in law warned me that her son was a TV addict, (still is). I tried in vain to get her interested in anything else. I banned TV during the day, plied her with colorful picture books. No go. My toddler loves television.
On the plus side, I find by turning on her favorite movie, I can empty the dishwasher without her running off with a knife or fold clothes only once, since her version of "helping mommy fold" is tip the basket, grab my bra , and run away.
So, the next time you break your own rules just to keep a little peace; you hand over your smart phone standing at the check out, pull out the sugary snacks, or make a pit stop at the drive-thru, stop hiding your head and look around, chances are there is a mom right beside you doing the exact thing she swore she'd never do. And don't sweat the well meaning people who look on and shake their heads. It's your turn to roll your eyes and say, "Just wait until you have kids."
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Lessons Learned, One Mess at a Time
If you have a child, or have spent any time in close contact with a child, you know their ability to dismantle your home would put a NASCAR pit crew to shame. My daughter has perfected the art of taking advantage of any minor distraction on my part, and turning that momentary lapse into mass destruction.
At almost 19 months old, L is still wearing her size 6-9 month clothing, and I think this gives a false sense that she is younger, thus tricking people into thinking she couldn't possibly think up, let alone execute, some of the stunts she pulls. Even I find myself forgetting at times that she is in fact a toddler, capable of more than I give her credit for.
Yesterday was one of those days. After finishing breakfast, I sent L to the living room to play while I cleaned up, and made an important phone call. After 5 minutes, I wrapped up the call and reached for the bowl of leftover scrambled eggs I had set on the counter....and came up empty handed. I looked around. Gone. Checked the fridge, had I already put them away? No. Did I throw them out? No. L couldn't have possibly reached them, the counter is way beyond her reach. And that's when I saw her plastic potty sitting beside the counter. Apparently it had been upgraded from hat to step ladder.
I looked into the leaving room, and oh joy, she's decided to redecorate our living room. There is a trail of eggs leading to the sofa where my daughter is enthusiastically using the last of the eggs to add some color to our furniture.All I could say was "L, why!!??" She flashed her dimples, full of pride and said, "Mama, So Piddy!" (Translation: SO Pretty!!) Have you ever had the privilege of scrubbing cheesy scrambled eggs out of a living room rug? I don't recommend it.
This is not the first or worst mess I've encountered. Mentioned in a previous post, L takes any opportunity to remove her diaper. This is usually quickly followed by my husband yelling down the hall, " What is this puddle in the hallway? Did you spill something?" or, personal favorite of mine, "Did something spill on the couch, my pants have a spot on them!"
Before I had a child, I worked for years as a nursery school teacher, which is perhaps why I'm able to take messes in stride. Life with a kid is going to be messy and chaotic, no matter what you do, so we can either let it stress us out, or laugh it off as another phase of childhood that, believe it or not, you'll miss one day when they're grown and cleaning scrambled eggs off their own living room rug. Until then, I'm stocking up on paper towels, and spot carpet cleaner, and moving that bowl just a little bit higher!!
At almost 19 months old, L is still wearing her size 6-9 month clothing, and I think this gives a false sense that she is younger, thus tricking people into thinking she couldn't possibly think up, let alone execute, some of the stunts she pulls. Even I find myself forgetting at times that she is in fact a toddler, capable of more than I give her credit for.
Yesterday was one of those days. After finishing breakfast, I sent L to the living room to play while I cleaned up, and made an important phone call. After 5 minutes, I wrapped up the call and reached for the bowl of leftover scrambled eggs I had set on the counter....and came up empty handed. I looked around. Gone. Checked the fridge, had I already put them away? No. Did I throw them out? No. L couldn't have possibly reached them, the counter is way beyond her reach. And that's when I saw her plastic potty sitting beside the counter. Apparently it had been upgraded from hat to step ladder.
I looked into the leaving room, and oh joy, she's decided to redecorate our living room. There is a trail of eggs leading to the sofa where my daughter is enthusiastically using the last of the eggs to add some color to our furniture.All I could say was "L, why!!??" She flashed her dimples, full of pride and said, "Mama, So Piddy!" (Translation: SO Pretty!!) Have you ever had the privilege of scrubbing cheesy scrambled eggs out of a living room rug? I don't recommend it.
This is not the first or worst mess I've encountered. Mentioned in a previous post, L takes any opportunity to remove her diaper. This is usually quickly followed by my husband yelling down the hall, " What is this puddle in the hallway? Did you spill something?" or, personal favorite of mine, "Did something spill on the couch, my pants have a spot on them!"
Before I had a child, I worked for years as a nursery school teacher, which is perhaps why I'm able to take messes in stride. Life with a kid is going to be messy and chaotic, no matter what you do, so we can either let it stress us out, or laugh it off as another phase of childhood that, believe it or not, you'll miss one day when they're grown and cleaning scrambled eggs off their own living room rug. Until then, I'm stocking up on paper towels, and spot carpet cleaner, and moving that bowl just a little bit higher!!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Scare Tactics
Most people at some point in their childhood had a fear of something; the dark, the water, the monster under the bed. If we're fortunate, those fears don't follow us into adult hood. Or perhaps they do and we just get better at hiding it. How many adults still insist on covering their toes while they sleep? You can claim you have cold feet all you want, the child in you is still worried a monster is going to nibble on your toes. How many of us walk just a little quicker down a dark hallway?
I for one make no excuses about my irrational fear. I despise clowns. It goes back to two specific movies that my older brothers let me watch as a six year old. To this day, I avoid parades, the circus, carnivals, anywhere these creepy, big shoe wearing demons might be lurking.
Recently, L has reached the stage where she is expressing her fear over certain things. I was expecting this, and prepared for it. To be frank, though, some of her fears are a real head scratcher. For example..ketchup?? She doesn't mind eating the ketchup but as soon as it touches her fingers, she loses all self control and shakes her little hands in a panic.
Last month we took L on her first trip to a zoo. It was a small zoo, but it did have monkeys, a giraffe, even a lion. We kept waiting for L to get nervous but she ran from one exhibit to the next. She loved the monkeys who clapped in appreciation when she threw peanuts. The lion just rolled over, too lazy in the summer heat to do much more than give us a disdainful look. A hissing goose gave her pause, then she was right on to the next, where she encountered something her toddler brain just wasn't prepared for.....a chicken. In the interest of fairness, all the books in her extensive home library have sweet looking chickens with downy feathers.
This monster size bird had what looked like a red tumor growing out of his beak...and he was running loose around my kid. After staring each other down, it moved toward her, at which point she climbed her grandmother like a cat up a tree. She watched every move that chicken made until we left the exhibit.
This monster size bird had what looked like a red tumor growing out of his beak...and he was running loose around my kid. After staring each other down, it moved toward her, at which point she climbed her grandmother like a cat up a tree. She watched every move that chicken made until we left the exhibit.
A speaking of grandma and animals..my mother in law loves pigs, and collects figurines, stuffed animals, etc. So last Christmas, as a gag gift, my husband bought her a rubber pig intended to be a dog chew toy. It oinks when you squeeze him. From the start, L despised this pig and the noise it made. If it was on the floor, she would go in wide circles around it. If it dared touch her toys, she would tug you over and point it out as if to say " get rid of that hideous thing!" The pig vs. L standoff came to a head one night at her grandparents house. L had been scooting between the wall and the couch trying to play with electrical cords. After several attempt's to distract her didn't work, My husband got the brilliant idea to let Mr. Pig stand guard, setting him right at the entrance behind the sofa. After trying ever which way to move the pig without actually having to touch it, including throwing toys at it, and running up and kicking it, L just sat next to the pig and howled. In an act of defiance, she grabbed the pig and tried to throw it, only for it to let out an extra loud squeal. Pig went one way, baby went the other, and Mr. pig now has a permanent place far out of reach. So if my daughter grows up to have an irrational fear of bacon and avoids Waffle House? I'll know why.
Supermom Syndrome
For those of you who don't know me personally, my name is April, and I've been married for 5 years to my husband, Jeffrey. We live in North Carolina. And we are polar opposites. He's lived in the same spot his whole life, I moved upwards of 30 times, between 4 states. He's an only child, I have 5 brothers and sisters. He is a patient, roll with it person, I am organized and scheduled. Somehow, we just fit together.
I like to think our daughter is the best of both of us; she's funny and joyful like her daddy, independent and determined like me. She also inherited my stubborn streak, which works nicely with the "don't rush me" gene from her dad. It started the day she was born via C-Section after 54 hours of labor...she was going no where until she was good and ready and it's been that way ever since!
There are a million reasons why I love being a mom. At the top of my list are those times when my daughter does something cute, and it hits me all over again, "Wow, that's OUR kid! I'm a mom!" And there are many days I question if I'm really qualified to parent this tiny tornado. Shouldn't this job come with some training? No where in the parenting books does it say your toddler might go through a phase where she will remove her diaper just so she can pee on the floor....and I know what you're thinking, but trust me, potty training is still far off in this house. In a optimistic attempt, we bought a plastic potty that so far has only been used as a hat. Laugh if you must, but she rocked it.
When L was born, I thought I had to be super mom, and it nearly broke me apart. I am very open about discussing my severe postpartum depression; I threw myself into being "perfect mommy/wife" to avoid the upheaval that was going on in my head. Just days after bringing our daughter home, I turned on the news to the tragedy of the Sandy Hook shooting, and I just fell apart. What kind of world had I brought my daughter into? It was the first time I realized her life and safety would never be 100% under my control. It sent me into a tail spin of depression and anxiety. Being "perfect mommy", I put on a brave face for my husband, and waited until he left us alone for the day, when I could collapse next to my daughter and spend the day crying in between feedings and diaper changes. I had no help those first days home which only compounded the problem. My daughter refused to nurse, preferring the ease of the bottle since her mouth was not big enough to latch on, so I spent hours pumping milk, thinking about how I had failed her in every way. A premature birth, second rate nursing, a mom in shambles. My poor kid didn't stand a chance.
At my six week check up, I put on a smile,,,until the doctor asked me how I was feeling. Let's just say it all came out in an incomprehensible blubber of sobs. She wrote a prescription and sent me on my way. Almost immediately, I felt the fog lift, and I was able to tell my husband exactly how I had been feeling. Turns out, I hadn't been hiding it that well.
Today, I still struggle to keep my super mom alter ego in check. Sure, she can cook, and her house is spotless, but I get to read "Llama, Llama Mad at Mama!" 4 times, I get to drink imaginary tea, and search for frogs. At bed time, while Super Mom wants to clean the kitchen, I get bed time kisses!!! Super mom likes her classical music, but I get to listen to the Frozen CD...just because the snowman song makes my daughter giggle. And when the house is finally quiet, and super mom still has a "to do" list, I get to snuggle up next to my husband and silently give a prayer of thanks to God for the blessing that is being this imperfect person with so much love in my life!!! :)
I like to think our daughter is the best of both of us; she's funny and joyful like her daddy, independent and determined like me. She also inherited my stubborn streak, which works nicely with the "don't rush me" gene from her dad. It started the day she was born via C-Section after 54 hours of labor...she was going no where until she was good and ready and it's been that way ever since!
There are a million reasons why I love being a mom. At the top of my list are those times when my daughter does something cute, and it hits me all over again, "Wow, that's OUR kid! I'm a mom!" And there are many days I question if I'm really qualified to parent this tiny tornado. Shouldn't this job come with some training? No where in the parenting books does it say your toddler might go through a phase where she will remove her diaper just so she can pee on the floor....and I know what you're thinking, but trust me, potty training is still far off in this house. In a optimistic attempt, we bought a plastic potty that so far has only been used as a hat. Laugh if you must, but she rocked it.
When L was born, I thought I had to be super mom, and it nearly broke me apart. I am very open about discussing my severe postpartum depression; I threw myself into being "perfect mommy/wife" to avoid the upheaval that was going on in my head. Just days after bringing our daughter home, I turned on the news to the tragedy of the Sandy Hook shooting, and I just fell apart. What kind of world had I brought my daughter into? It was the first time I realized her life and safety would never be 100% under my control. It sent me into a tail spin of depression and anxiety. Being "perfect mommy", I put on a brave face for my husband, and waited until he left us alone for the day, when I could collapse next to my daughter and spend the day crying in between feedings and diaper changes. I had no help those first days home which only compounded the problem. My daughter refused to nurse, preferring the ease of the bottle since her mouth was not big enough to latch on, so I spent hours pumping milk, thinking about how I had failed her in every way. A premature birth, second rate nursing, a mom in shambles. My poor kid didn't stand a chance.
At my six week check up, I put on a smile,,,until the doctor asked me how I was feeling. Let's just say it all came out in an incomprehensible blubber of sobs. She wrote a prescription and sent me on my way. Almost immediately, I felt the fog lift, and I was able to tell my husband exactly how I had been feeling. Turns out, I hadn't been hiding it that well.
Today, I still struggle to keep my super mom alter ego in check. Sure, she can cook, and her house is spotless, but I get to read "Llama, Llama Mad at Mama!" 4 times, I get to drink imaginary tea, and search for frogs. At bed time, while Super Mom wants to clean the kitchen, I get bed time kisses!!! Super mom likes her classical music, but I get to listen to the Frozen CD...just because the snowman song makes my daughter giggle. And when the house is finally quiet, and super mom still has a "to do" list, I get to snuggle up next to my husband and silently give a prayer of thanks to God for the blessing that is being this imperfect person with so much love in my life!!! :)
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