Missing a Step

    Every parent hopes and prays for the same thing; a child who's normal, not being left behind by his peers, not so far ahead he feels isolated, but right in between. So it's difficult when your child's doctor says that something may not be 100% normal about your child.
 
   My daughter, L, was born about a month early weighing 5 lbs, considered a late preemie, she spent just enough time in the NI-CU to be assessed, and they sent her back to us,  very small but otherwise healthy. However, we have still spent the last year and a half facing the struggles any preemie parent knows all too well: it started in the hospital when they suddenly needed to scan her kidneys for a possible defect, then came the acid re flux, the lack of weight gain, RSV, a trip to children's hospital to rule out Craniosynotosis, 2 surgeries for tubes to prevent ear infections. We are gearing up for her sixth hearing test; each one has come back different, running the gamut from significant hearing loss to slight hearing loss in one or both ears.
     Luckily, we had seemed to turn a corner in the past few months. During her 18 month check up, L was given a clean bill of health, but still measuring in the just the 3rd to 5th percentile in height and weight.
     Within a few hours I had a phone call from L's pediatrician; I had filled out forms regarding L's developmental milestones, called the M-CHAT evaluation. Basically, it helps measures your child's possibility of having developmental delays, most specifically Autism Spectrum disorder, hearing loss, and any physical delays. If your child's score is low, they send you for further testing at a clinic. L passed in the physical milestone category, but in speech and socialization, she needs further evaluation.
     My first thought was to break down, but then realized I wasn't surprised. I've noticed L is behind other kids her age. She's not much of a talker, she shows little interest in toys, and recently started flapping her hands in front of her face. I know she can hear at least to some extent, because she will turn her head towards loud noises, but she has yet to answer to her own name. She has started having night terrors almost every night, and started hitting and biting herself violently when she gets upset or frustrated.
     As a parent, you want what's best for your child. Our first instinct was to pray for God to make this "turn" in our favor, but we checked ourselves quickly. God knows L, He made her, and whatever way He made her, we have no right to ask Him to change her. Instead, we prayed for His will, for the strength to help her, to help us be the parents we need to be for her. God never promised we wouldn't have trials, but that through those trials we will be stronger if we put our faith and trust solely in Him. "For we can rejoice too, when we have problems, and trials, for we know that they build endurance!" Romans 5:3
     With almost two weeks until her evaluation, we're working with her, but in the long run, it doesn't matter what we do, because she will be who she is regardless. If she has hearing loss, or a developmental delay, or if she was to be on the Autism Spectrum, I will still love her more and more every day. Whatever it is, or isn't, it makes L who she is, and who she is is this funny, amazing, sweet kid. She loves to play in the mirror, and try on hats, loves spending time with her grandparents. She'll eat spaghetti for every meal if we let her. Her favorite place is always outside, getting just as dirty as possible. She's my baby, my miracle and whatever waits for us around the corner, we're going to face it head on. The Lord has this handled, he knows what's in store for us, and we WILL PRAISE HIM, no matter the outcome!!!! " Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus!" 1 Thessalonians 5:18

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

     Every mother-to-be knows there are certain things their children will never ever be allowed to partake in. This happens in those blissfully ignorant days of pregnancy; you drop in on a friend with kids, her preschooler is glued to the television, the tween to her i-pad, and the toddler is scarfing down those radioactive-looking orange cheese doodles. And you tell yourself it won't happen to you. Maybe you even said it out loud. And your friend gives you "the look" that says, "Just you wait."
      Popular items on the parenting chopping block include sugar, television, noneducational toys, fast food, co-sleeping, and bungee jumping. And anyone who has been a parent for 5 minutes knows just as well those rules go out the window pretty quickly.

     I'm proud to say we've stuck to our guns with most things. We never co-slept, because my husband was paranoid about rolling over her in his sleep. (a completely legitimate concern, she could curl up to the size of a softball, not exaggerating.) She has enough educational toys and books that they have completely taken over our house. I've never seen her bungee jump but she does a pretty impressive swan dive off the sofa. 

That being said, I was adamant about two things; no fast food, and no television before age two. And like every other well meaning new parent, I was in for a surprise. 

     The no fast food rule held up until her first birthday, when my daughter discovered the joy of a certain restaurant with golden arches on a road trip from Louisiana back home to North Carolina. The first night we let her try french fries along side her organic baby food. The next morning we stopped for coffee and biscuits, and her baby food simmered on the dashboard while she happily wolfed down a pancake. Fortunately, her love of fast food was very short lived, and she's a surprisingly healthy eater, so I call that a win..

      No TV lasted less time than the no fast food, by roughly 10 months. That's right, my daughter was fascinated by TV by the time she was 2 months old. I should have known better, my mother in law warned me that her son was a TV addict, (still is). I tried in vain to get her interested in anything else. I banned TV during the day, plied her with colorful picture books. No go. My toddler loves television. 

      On the plus side, I find by turning on her favorite movie, I can empty the dishwasher without her running off with a knife or fold clothes only once, since her version of "helping mommy fold" is tip the basket, grab my bra , and run away. 

      So, the next time you break your own rules just to keep a little peace; you hand over your smart phone standing at the check out, pull out the sugary snacks, or make a pit stop at the drive-thru, stop hiding your head and look around, chances are there is a mom right beside you doing the exact thing she swore she'd never do. And don't sweat the well meaning people who look on and shake their heads. It's your turn to roll your eyes and say, "Just wait until you have kids."

Lessons Learned, One Mess at a Time

    If you have a child, or have spent any time in close contact with a child, you know their ability to dismantle your home would put a NASCAR pit crew to shame. My daughter has perfected the art of taking advantage of any minor distraction on my part, and turning that momentary lapse into mass destruction.
   At almost 19 months old, L is still wearing her size 6-9 month clothing, and I think this gives a false sense that she is younger, thus tricking people into thinking she couldn't possibly think up, let alone execute, some of the stunts she pulls. Even I find myself forgetting at times that she is in fact a toddler, capable of more than I give her credit for.
   Yesterday was one of those days. After finishing breakfast, I sent L to the living room to play while I cleaned up, and made an important phone call. After 5 minutes, I wrapped up the call and reached for the bowl of leftover scrambled eggs I had set on the counter....and came up empty handed. I looked around. Gone. Checked the fridge, had I already put them away? No. Did I throw them out? No. L couldn't have possibly reached them, the counter is way beyond her reach. And that's when I saw her plastic potty sitting beside the counter. Apparently it had been upgraded from hat to step ladder.
    I looked into the leaving room, and oh joy, she's decided to redecorate our living room. There is a trail of eggs leading to the sofa where my daughter is enthusiastically using the last of the eggs to add some color to our furniture.All I could say was "L, why!!??" She flashed her dimples, full of pride and said, "Mama, So Piddy!" (Translation: SO Pretty!!) Have you ever had the privilege of scrubbing cheesy scrambled eggs out of a living room rug? I don't recommend it.
   This is not the first or worst mess I've encountered. Mentioned in a previous post, L takes any opportunity to remove her diaper. This is usually quickly followed by my husband yelling down the hall, " What is this puddle in the hallway? Did you spill something?" or, personal favorite of mine, "Did something spill on the couch, my pants have a spot on them!"
    Before I had a child, I worked for years as a nursery school teacher, which is perhaps why I'm able to take messes in stride. Life with a kid is going to be messy and chaotic, no matter what you do, so we can either let it stress us out, or laugh it off as another phase of childhood that, believe it or not, you'll miss one day when they're grown and cleaning scrambled eggs off their own living room rug. Until then, I'm stocking up on paper towels, and spot carpet cleaner, and moving that bowl just a little bit higher!!